Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
