i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Me. At least after what I've been through.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
