I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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