maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
