he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
