Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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