You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You smell like a Billy Joel song
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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