Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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