the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
