508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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