If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
