I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
