hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
