I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
