allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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