Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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