I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
