So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
