i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
