Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you had me at cake vodka
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
