How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
