I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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