So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I want to be your penis for a week.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
