so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
