I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
