she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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