Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
