do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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