Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize