i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
