unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
