I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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