tell your sister to shave her snatch
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
