Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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