If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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