Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
