there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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