I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
high people should be assigned attendants
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
