I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
