Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im six kinds of drunk right now
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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