I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
