My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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