im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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