The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
