Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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