You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
