I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize