i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
