so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
