Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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