Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
