Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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