pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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