ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize