When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize