he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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