fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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