i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
