btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
