All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Randomize
