Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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