How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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