The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize