the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize