it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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