I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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