we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
