I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
