hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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