It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
