Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All the doctor said was why
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
