Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
