Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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