just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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