Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
